It's the little things ...

It's the little things that make a difference. There are the big changes you expect, you are warned about, and you can plan for, but then there are the myriad little things you can't plan for. In the scheme of things they don't mean much, but they can make a big difference, major changes, to your life. It's these that make life interesting.

Like not being able to buy insect spray, other than surface-spray varieties. I'm certain the big, fat cockroach that we keep spying in our bedroom has been the same resident in our private sanctuary for the past seven weeks, even though I recall now disposing of at least one little black carcass from this part of the house. In any case, the squatter has now been summarily evicted, for as it rested near the ceiling behind the TV last night, I climbed onto the TV cabinet armed with the faulty can of surface spray and delivered an impotent-looking burst of the poison skywards. It must have reached its target, for the tiny invertebrate scurried off in indignation to a dark corner from whence it has not yet emerged.

Our friends Desmond and Swee Yee related to us their horror when seeing the dishes being washed up in their host families' homes in Australia for the first time. Washing up Malaysian style would be equally difficult for me to manage. Although I did employ a similar method when we first moved in, hand-washing individual dishes and rinsing en-mass, it is unimaginable that I might continue in this camping-style fashion for the duration of our stay here. There is a certain comfort and assumed cleanliness with doing things as you are accustomed to. While I'm sure the Asian way is perfectly hygienic, I see no point in abandoning a technique that has served me well for nearly half a century, even if it does mean I have to boil the kettle of water every time I fill the sink.

Our bedsheets are twill weave. They are also only 350 thread count, but quite thick and soft (and expensive) actually. It's quite odd, but a lot of the sheets appear to be twill, and most are printed. The strangest thing, though, is that a standard sheet set comes with only a fitted bottom sheet, two pillow cases and a bolster case. I do wonder what people use for a top sheet? And why are bolsters so popular? Our set became ours by virtue of the fact that it has a quilt cover with it, which has proved a great weight for a top sheet in the airconditioning. The inventor will never quite get used to the fact that all beds here are only 6 foot long, a bit of an inconvenience for the size-gifted amongst us who are more than 6 foot long themselves. At least our bed is also 6 foot wide!

We're happy despite, and sometimes because of, the little things!

We had been pre-warned that there would likely be no fixtures in the kitchen, so when we entered it and saw the fridge standing grandly in solitude on the tiled floor, we were neither surprised nor disappointed. We were, however, surprised that stove and oven are purchased as portable stand-alone units, especially as each room has only a single powerpoint. Fortunately, the two-burner cooktop is gas. Unfortunately, the lead on the oven is very short and the only way it can reach the single powerpoint is if it is balanced on top of the burners with the door opening facing the wall. Happily, both cook quite well. I am trying not to use the cheap 10-amp extension lead to run the oven, though, as the outer insulation of the lead becomes alarmingly soft and painfully hot. 

Another surprise is the absence of an ordinary extension lead. What one can buy is a longish lead with a multi-board on the end, or a wind-up roll of extension lead with the plug, or more often, plugs, in the centre of the reel. All the lamps for sale have a European plug end, but adaptors are so commonplace, they are cheap (between three and six ringgats, $1- $2). Unfortunately, some of the cheaper ones I bought have the nasty habit of coming apart when one tries to unplug the appliance, leaving the live contact points inside the plug exposed.

Along wi

th stars and blue skies, I need some green.

Doorbells do not seem a popular thing in Malaysia. Even now we have finally found a battery-operated, wireless doorbell, people prefer to call out. This is despite the fact that I put the button in the most obvious, visible place, actually on the screen door, as I often do not hear people calling out if I am ensconced in the bedroom with airconditioner and music rumbling and doors tightly shut. Our neighbourhood is especially untidy and poorly maintained, I guess because there are so few owner-occupiers and so many

student tenants. It can get a bit glum and depressing, especially

when the sky is grey for weeks on end. A nice, blue, sunny day like today does wonders for the soul- I think humans need the sunny outlook. We also need to see stars, which I am sure are there to remind us of the vastness and majesty of the universe and all that was created in it. Hopefully, one day, we will get to see the stars again, too.

We have spent many long hours trudging the aisles of supermarkets and shops- Tesco, Aeon, Carrefour, Minat, Cold Storage, etc, etc, etc- just looking for a few of the ingredients that I need to make favourite recipes from home. Now we have been here nearly two months, knowing that one can make “home-foods” here in our new home, means a lot to us. Small ingredients can make a big difference to the recipe, and nearly every recipe I pick up has something that is expensive or difficult to find- cream, glucose syrup, copha, cloves- things we take for granted in Australia. Then there is the long-winded and fruitless search for Vegemite. The Vegemite quest is no longer driven by wanting, or even needing, and has now become an obsession that surpasses any desire to actually consume the stuff. The necessity is now to locate the product, and whether the outcome is a purchase or not, the quest with its many challenging, time-consuming and often expensive journeys, will have been completed courageously.

There are the unexpected little positives, too. The availability of old rubber trees makes timber furniture very affordable, as is all furniture. I finally bought two pieces I have been wanting for our lounge room, a display shelf and a small sideboard/ cupboard for near the door. Together the cost was RM540, about $170. The very reasonable cost and the fact that all furniture stores are negotiable on price, has made furnishing and decorating the house so much more affordable and enjoyable.

The inventor takes great pleasure in filling the car with fuel, which we do every week or two. At RM1.80 per litre, it always takes less than 100 ringgats to fill the diesel tank, and the bargain-thrill has not yet waned. We had anticipated lower prices and cost of living, but what I had not anticipated was the thrill, that excited buzz, of paying for something that seems very reasonably priced. I had expected life in Kampar to be more stressful, being removed from our friends, family and support mechanisms, but I had not bargained for the freedom and release from stress that we would experience when our day-to-day living bills were cut by two-thirds. Once our legal-eagle has completed the eviction process for the tenant from hell and we have found an agent and a new tenant, financial worries might well be a thing of the past.

Today's Dim Sum (Yum Cha) bill.

The Inventor took our electricity bill to the plant to ask for help in translating it. If it is possible to see the blood draining from a Malay face, I'm sure he has witnessed it. She wasn't quite sure how he'd take the news that the bill was enormous, 180 ringgats (nearly $60) for the month, but he reassured her that the airconditioner has hardly been turned off since we moved in, and that we more than happy with this amount. Even without the aircon, our bill in Cairns was generally three times this amount.

A smile from a stranger is indeed a very small thing, but we know the power of a smile can never be underestimated. I am the lucky recipient of genuine, open smiles on a daily basis, and I continue to be grateful for the many lovely people who smile or greet me wherever I go, the helpful bystanders who jump in to translate, the shop assistants who willingly help us to learn a few words of Malay, and the interested folk who quiz us about Australia. It really is the small things that make a difference.

Gaining momentum

I had a call from a dear friend the other day. I think she was concerned because my updates to blogspot of late have been sporadic, and on the occasions I have managed them, quite unnecessarily negative. I apologise for this. I have started my next blog entry numerous times with pen and paper, but in the busyness that is my life at the moment, I never seem to get any further. I also apologise for the numerous typos. My poor little netbook is getting old, and when I type quickly, the keyboard doesn't cope very well.

A far-too familiar sight (site?)

My goal for this blog is an overall update which is positive and optimistic. This task should not be difficult to achieve, as there have been many great things happening in our lives, despite the frustrations. Before I start on the sickly nectar of our near-perfect existence in rural Malaysia, however, I must tell you about the internet and phone, which continue to be our main bugbears. The phone answers then loses the call, so if you do ring- we have a Voip number that is a local call from Cairns- do try again. The internet modem just needs to be reset regularly, as often as ten-minutely, or as infrequently as two hourly. We are hoping that some new batteries for the phones (which we brought over from Australia) and a new modem will improve our quality of life.

This might be KLCC, one of the most expensive shopping malls in KL. At last we both found suitable shoes that fit! At Sketchers, no less.

Both of us have continued to enjoy good health since the "Asian Belly" finally settled. The last week or two my back has been particularly painful, though the purchase of a new pillow has helped the neck. The pain and sleeplessness has spurred me into getting intimate with my WiiFit board again. I'm just trying to improve my general fitness, be more active, and every day do some of the yoga exercises on the Wii. I rather enjoyed the massage I had at the hotel in KL, but my man thinks the bruises left behind indicate the force used may have been a little excessive. Interesting that such a tiny lady could apply that much pressure! Ajinomoto (MSG) is sold by the kilogram in supermarkets here, so while I continue to eat out most evenings, I will probably need to continue on my asthma preventer, which seems to be keeping my lungs healthy for now. The Inventor's big heart, also, is causing no problems, and his handphone plays a little tune at various times throughout the day to remind him it's time for the next round of tablets. I think the times are 7, 11, 3,7 and 11, though it is rarely of concern to me unless he for some reason does not tell the phone the tablet has been taken. Despite the sometimes excessive eating, we are both at least managing to maintain our weight, though we would like to work out a way to lose weight within our new lifestyle.

One of the things we didn't buy. That is over $500 a bottle!

The Inventor has made significant progress in his experimentation. A week ago, we travelled to Kuala Lumpur for two days, the first of which was for shopping, and the second to present his research to all the main technical and management staff of D's larger company. For a number of the attendees, this was the first time they had been given more than minor details of the project, and some of them with chemistry backgrounds were "quite in awe". He enjoyed the thoughtful questions posed by Harry, and appreciates having a few more people off whom he can bounce ideas. He continues to find it most helpful to discuss the finer points of chemical analysis with our talented Cairns lawyer, not only because the legal-eagle is the intermediary with our patent attorney, but also because his ability to understand the science, provide helpful feedback and suggestions, and research solutions, is unequalled. The inventor is currently using the extensive resources at the lab to complete more testing, so he can define the processes more completely on the next patent application, and so he can start designing the process and equipment for the small-scale test plant.

Most supermarkets have a decent rice section. I can't remember where this one was.

Tomorrow we are expecting a visit from D and "a visitor". We are unsure who the other person is, but true to form, I should imagine that D will have had them sign a confidentiality agreement. All the key staff had to do so- Lorena was either offended or puzzled by the request, it is difficult to tell with her, but she did mention it. The poor lady didn't have an easy transition to Malaysia, arriving on her own and having the high expectations of D to fulfill, lab processes to assess and manage, and then a major hiccup to manage that was the result of testing that occurred before she had arrived here. She seems to have settled in now and is looking forward to getting her own car. She doesn't stand out as a foreigner like we do, and has the equally frustrating problem of explaining to people that she speaks neither Malay nor Chinese. Mimi recently had to intercede on Lorena's behalf, explaining to the restaurant staff that Lorena is "other Chinese". She seems good with languages, and I think she and I will have a grasp of Bahasa Melayu long before the Inventor, whose brain is so full of equations and reaction rules that I suspect accessing the right side will be nigh impossible at the moment. I actually have considered that his participation in the combined English/ Bahasa Melayu classes that I am "teaching" at the lab, might be inadvisable, taking his attention away from the most important matter at hand. I did notice that at our first lesson yesterday, he wasn't quite as "into it" as the rest of us- four lab staff, two office staff, Lorena and myself- probably being distracted by the large amount of things he must get done by our next patent deadline.

We are still attending New Life Lutheran church most Sundays in Ipoh, 40km away. We have a different guest speaker each week at our service, as our Lutheran pastor doesn't speak English very well, apparently. I have never met him- the church, especially the English service, seems to hum along run by the members. Our guest speakers tend to be ordained ministers from other denominations, and the "sermon" is around 45 minutes. We often have notes to go with them- it's a bit more like "teaching" than "preaching". The whole service usually takes around 1 hour 45 minutes! Last Sunday we hung around Ipoh (shopping) until the evening so we could attend a wonderful ecumenical service at the Tamil Methodist church. It was an amazing experience, as hundreds of people (probably close to 2000), congregational members and pastors, from many denominations, colours and creeds gathered together and worshipped in four languages. The occasion was the beginning of the 50th year of Malaysia, and we called on our one God to bless the country and be present for the jubilee year. The service bounced effortlessly from English to Tamil, Chinese and Malay. The country is a long way from being the "One Malaysia" that is promoted, but events like this are a good start!




After the ecumenical Malaysia Day jubilee service, we raced back to Kuala Dipang for an "open house", basically a party. It was the last day of the Hari Raya period and Liza (one of the lab assistants) had invited us to her father's house. She had prepared wonderful food- stir-fried vegetables, Ayam Kari (curry chicken), rice, Lemang, rendang, satays, etc. According to Ishmael, Hari Raya isn't Hari Raya without Lemang- sticky rice cooked in a bamboo stick. I explained that this is like Australians and turkey, pudding and custard at Christmas, though with his limited command of English, I am not sure that I quite managed to convey the discomfort we experience on a hot Christmas day in stubbornly keeping this tradition alive.


We are still discovering restaurants around Kampar, last night enjoying a perfectly respectable Chinese meal which cost 20 Ringgats ($6) for all three of us. The Inventor and I tend to be happy with most meals if we didn't have to cook them ourselves, and of course, it all seems like such a bargain to us. Lorena is more difficult to please, and has very specific tastes. Because she doesn't eat chiken, she hasn't tasted one of the nicest meals in the area, a Kampar special called Claypot Chicken Rice.

With more driving we are getting a lot more familiar with the area, though even last week whole suburbs materialised when we ventured down a tiny side-street. We have decided that we probably will not repeat the brave and foolhardy action of driving into, and around, Kuala Lumpur. It will be only a little more expensive, and considerably more comfortable, to catch the train, and we will likely have more time to do things if we aren't continually getting lost, and it is bound to be less stressful. However, a result of our adventure is that we now have a navigation software installed on the Inventor's phone, which proved significantly easier than google maps when navigating the loops, lanes and levels of criss-crossing expressways that snake across the surface and airspace of KL.


The navigation software was installed for him for the cost of 40 ringgats, and we returned in an hour to pick up the phone. It will hopefully assist us in some of our future planned explorations. The first we hope to achieve is a two-day trip to the Cameron Highlands, which is only an hour by car from here. We would also like to get up to Penang for a few days, and over to the East Coast. It seems inevitable that at some stage we will travel to KL to catch a few flights to other countries that are our near neighbours- Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, Indonesia. The flights are cheap, it's just a matter of finding some time to get away. At the moment, the work seems endless and the timelines unachievable. The Inventor does sometimes take both Saturday and Sunday for himself for relaxation, but we also often both work on Saturday, and have chosen not to take the numerous public holidays that Malaysians are inundated with.

Socially, we have been invited to various events by members of our church- lunch after church many times, a dinner for Raymond's mind-science club, Daniel's 4th birthday party, and last Saturday, a lantern festival at the church- and also had the opportunity to invite Desmond, Swee Yee and Daniel out to a pizza restaurant we had heard of. We have been to a number of "open houses" and parties locally, often being the object of celebrity and attention. At all these events we have met many new and interesting people, and received further invitations. Also, because Lorena doesn't have a car and lives nearby, we often take her to dinner, and have dined out with various other people from the plant and KL office. There is plenty of friendly social interaction at the lab, too, and despite the language difficulties, we get by. In fact, learning Malay is often the focus of social interactions, and I appreciate the efforts of the lab staff.

Potting some plants has kept me busy. Isn't this an exquisite orchid?

And I finally got around to doing some of the craft I have been threatening to devote my life to! Well, I did devote a day to making these 2 items (the dressing table was too low for us, and I made a laundry hamper to match).

Sightseeing in Ipoh. The tree is the famous remaining Ipoh Tree. Behind is some government building with a BIG Malaysian flag.

Our shopping trips have always been a social occasion, too, as anyone who knows us would readily deduce. The number of impromptu conversations has decreased here in Malaysia, but we have still met some interesting people, including a couple from Italy who are living on the Cameron Highlands while he works on the hydroelectric project. A chance passing in a coffee shop, then a longer chat in the aisles of the Aeon store, led to the exhange of phone numbers and a promise of a future meeting.

Kids playing with candles at the Lantern (Mid-autumn) Festival

There was a competition and prizes for the best lanterns

For now, social life is secondary, as we have quite a lot to do in the coming months. I will be working some long hours to complete a grant application to access funds that the Malaysian government is handing out for green technologies, and the Inventor will be working on getting the pilot plant built by Christmas. That should keep us busy, and if it doesn't we promise to keep out of trouble. We should be able to manage that, for today, at least.

Arrrrgh!

This morning I have just logged on to have a little gripe. I will make it a short one, as I'm sure you're not all that interested in the finer details of our internet woes. This is how the story goes.

Since the moment our landline ADSL was installed, it has been flaky with finding web addresses. Other programmes like uTorrent work fine, as does the Voip box (except when uTorrent is working overtime and using up all our bandwidth!). In our part of Malaysia, all landline internet contracts are provided by TM, Telecom Malaysia. The download is unlimited, the only thing we needed to specify was the maximum speed, and for a start, we chose the slowest link, at 1 mb/s. In the future we may upgrade to the fastest, 4 mbs. In Kuala Lumpur or Ipoh we saw cable internet advertised, but of course that isn't available in our little town. We were excited to be able to get landline internet, though the reliability of the TM ADSL is frequently brought into question.

Since we first got the internet, the connections have become less and less reliable. At first, a reboot every hour or two was all that was necessary. The last time I tried to use the internet was two days ago, and I spent most of the day trying to connect to websites, rebooting, repairing, in the end to no avail. It was a farcical situation where I struggled with failing internet trying to google why it was failing. It was the favourite TV plot, where the doctor gets injured, bt he's the only one that could do the surgery. After wasting countless hours trolling aroud the internet for help, rebooting, switching things off, switching things on, and generally getting extremely annoyed at the situation, we surmised the problem was with the wifi router that TM had provided. This brings us to this morning.

My Inventor had promised to swap the alleged faulty router with one he had brought from Australia, before he left for the plant this morning, so I could sort out the mountain of jobs that have been piling up while I couldn't manage to stay connected for long enough to complete them. Here follows the condensed version of this morning's events.

Router is plugged in. Inventor takes netbook to next room to set up router. Can't find piece of paper with TM password. Look here, look there. Upstairs, downstairs. I left it here, you put it there. Pull out files, sift through papers. Phone rings, won't connect. Phone rings again, battery is flat. Now the phone is searching, too. Phone rings again, pick up other handset but it's flat too. Base station won't answer either. Use mobile to phone Lorena to apologise for being late and making her late for work. Ask wife to drive Lorena to work.  Find password. Change mind about wife driving. Try to enter password. Give up, plug old modem back in and plug netbook into modem with blue cable. No phones working and wife has left her mobile on Inventor's desk at the plant, so phones her daughter using Skype. Daughter answers then netbook turns off. Check cables, push and check again. Discover switch on multiboard is in the down position. Switch on and start to recharge netbook, Skype daughter back. Daughter is about to leave for work, so say goodbye. Hit forehead firmly on desk five times, take a deep breath and open blogspot to debrief.

Thank you for being there for me, dear reader. I appreciate your listening ear, though I do doubt any of you managed to read this far. Now I must go and use my blue cable while it is working, sort out these bills and do what I must, before this unairconditioned room becomes too hot. Then I will retire to the airconditioned bedroom to write another blog about the wonderful things that have happened in our lives of late.

The School of Hard Knocks

THE SCHOOL

The School of Hard Knocks, inconveniently located in Kampar, Malaysia, is only two and a half hours by train from the national capital, Kuala Lumpur, or 40 minutes by private transport from the state capital, Ipoh. Additionally, Brisbane, Australia can be reached in just a 13-hour relaxing journey, consisting of a 2 hour drive, 2 hour airport wait, 8 hour aeroplane trip, and one-hour train ride. In only three more hours, Townsville or Cairns can be reached.

The state of Perak is known for its sites of natural beauty- waterfalls, limestone caves, hot springs, nature parks, and the famous Cameron Highlands- and for the thousands of lakes which have formed in the remains of tin mines in the Kampar/ Ipoh district. There are many shopping, sporting and eating facilities in the area for students who have the tenacity to discover them. Many of these are hidden jewels waiting to be discovered behind dirty shop-fronts and in cluttered back streets.

The curriculum at the School of Hard Knocks is comprehensive, covering all the KLAs. Despite its name, many lessons are easy and enjoyable, but some of the lessons undertaken at our school can only be learned the hard way. Experience has shown us that students who take on the difficult lessons learn well, and rarely need to repeat them. The education offered is guaranteed to be of lasting value to all students, but especially those wishing to extract the most from their life experiences.

MATHEMATICS

Students are expected to grasp the basics of the mathematics curriculum quickly. Those who do not will bear additional financial costs in their education. The curriculum covers areas such as lightning-fast currency conversions, bargaining, learning to make cost judgements in a different economy, and recognising and speaking monetary values in Bahhasa Melayu. For those students wishing to drive a vehicle in Perak, additional mathematical skills will be required, such as application of speed limits, calculation of the cost of rare traffic fines, and for the unfortunate from countries such as the Philippines, learning to mirror-image so as to drive on the correct (ie., left-hand) side of the road. Spatial awareness and vigilance will be applied in practical multi-tasking driving lessons, where numerous cars, trucks, pedestrians, motorbikes, bicycles, and motor scooters will weave erratically across the road at various speeds and in various and unpredictable directions. Students from other Asian countries do not need to enrol in this subject, as they will be accustomed to the rare wearing of helmets, the loose application of the road rules, and the unlikely enforcement of road rules.

ENGLISH

The minimum English requirement for entry to the School of Hard Knocks is a basic level, though a higher-level vocabulary may help students to decipher many Malay words. Ability to read English may also be of benefit, however ability to read Chinese script would also be advantageous. It will not, however, be taught as part of the curriculum, as there is already enough learning in our syllabus to cause a mind blowout in all but the toughest students.

LOTE (Languages Other Than English)

While some of our slower students may have enrolled in the course expecting to learn a single new language, most students would be aware that a minimum of three Languages Other Than English are required for the curriculum. The official national language of Bahasa Melayu will be learned by necessity, being the most widely spoken, but some Cantonese will also be taught, as students will find it useful for communicating with Christian friends and many shopkeepers. Language lessons may be undertaken on a self-study basis, in small, impromptu classes, or “on the run”. We recommend a mix of all three study modes. Although a small amount of English is spoken by most of the population in the area, for ease of communication and assimilation, we expect that all students should achieve at least a passing grade in at least one LOTE.

While not officially a LOTE, ability to understand the non-standard form of English spoken locally- sometimes called Manglish- is also required. Students who can master the inflections, distinct vocabulary and social register of Manglish will be granted additional credit. They will also find personal rewards, such as being able to join in with the unusually-paced spoken liturgies of the Lutheran Church. While some Tamil may be learned, this subject is a non-credit elective, as Tamil residents are a minority and most speak English.

RELIGIOUS STUDIES

Students at the School of Hard Knocks may study Christianity (a wide range of denominations, including Lutheran, and sects, are available), Islam (there is a mosque within walking distance of most accommodation in the area), Hinduism and Buddhism. Attendance at special classes is not necessary, as daily lessons in religious tolerance and understanding are obligatory and will be provided at random times throughout the day.

CULTURAL STUDIES

This subject comprises three modules- cultural awareness, cultural understanding, and assimilation. The first is compulsory and a passing grade is necessary to pass through the School of Hard Knocks successfully. The second and third modules are for students who wish to put in more effort for a deeper learning experience. Curriculum components include talking to people from different cultural and religious backgrounds, removing shoes when entering a building, accepting invitations to gatherings knowing you will stand out, obeying local customs, using chopsticks and hands to eat, tasting a wide variety of unfamiliar foods, shopping in Chinese, Malay and Indian stores, being cheerful while people stare, putting LOTE lessons into use and embarrassment aside, learning to give and accept graciously. Students who participate in daily practice sessions in tolerance and understanding and apply Christian love will find they easily achieve a high level of achievement in this subject.

GEOGRAPHY

The geography syllabus covers map-reading without the aid of GPS (reliable Malaysian maps are not available for any major brand), navigation by instinct, distinguishing between private and public roads when the size and condition are often different to expectations, appreciation of the limestone landscape, and discovery of new places.

SCIENCE

Areas of science taught include, but are not limited to, the following:

Botany- plant and animal species of the area, recognising dangerous creatures (eg. pig-tailed macaques), the effect of long-term mining on ecosystems, discovering which pot plants will survive.

Geology- limestone caves, mineral and rock resources of Perak.

Chemistry- composition of cheap paints and how to wipe walls without completely removing the paint, the action of bleach on moulds, Halal food substitutes for popular Australian ingredients such as cream and gelatine

Physics and mechanics- the falling patterns of water from leaking airconditioners, the poor cornering and highway performance of a vehicle when it has been accidentally knocked into four-wheel-drive.

Anatomy and physiology- the fascinating phenomenon of the tiny Asian who can eat twice as much as an Australian, do half the exercise and weigh a third as much.

CREATIVE ARTS

Students will become familiar with popular local songs on regular shopping trips, learning words or tunes through regular exposure. Artistic needs will be met through the seemingly endless task of cleaning, decorating and organising the large house and laboratory office. Students who wish to undertake elective studies may undertake to write a blog, enrol in university studies, do photography or take part in craft days with family members via Skype.

HEALTH AND PHYSICAL RECREATION

Health lessons will involve considerable research with internet resources, and will cover topics such as bacterial, viral and parasitic infections, causes, treatment and prevention, and allergy to common Asian foods (such as MSG and chilli) and its treatment. Physical recreation is an elective subject and at Perak campus students tend to fit it in where possible around the compulsory subjects. There is a range of options for students, but the more popular ones are proving to be walking in the outdoors, and trekking in shopping centres. Other options include skating with a newly-acquired skating buddy in Ipoh, Wii Fit, and cycling.

STUDY SKILLS

Our curriculum is skills-based, and many skills will be learned by the students as they complete their daily tasks. The may include skills such as- maintaining concentration despite the sound of 3 tonnes of limestone dropping into a furnace every 12 minutes, flexible time management when internet is unreliable, persistence and questioning skills when looking for products in stores, and flexibility when faced with a new lifestyle.

FACILITIES

A fully-equipped laboratory is available for some students' use. Equipment includes a bomb calorimeter, atomic absorption spectrometer, a crushing and sampling room, scales calibrated to a thousandth of a gram, A3 printer, glassware, a variety of kilns, and soon the school may obtain an x-ray fluorescence spectrometer. Chemicals for analysis and experimentation are supplied, but if necessary chemicals are not available, the highest quality chemicals will be acquired on request. Students are required to give at least 2 months notice for orders.

Classes will be conducted in our many, varied educational settings, including the modern Tesco Centre and the ultra-modern and clean Station 18 in Ipoh. Prospective students please note that amenities even in the modern teaching blocks may be the Malay-style squat variety. Other lessons will be conducted in more traditional settings, and special, once-off visits to the state museum, Muzeum Darul Ridzuan, and limestone cave complex Gua Tempurung, will be informative and educational.

A large house, vehicle and any other comforts considered necessary will be provided.

ENROLMENT

For those wishing to apply to the School of Hard Knocks, Perak campus, applications can be made in person. Pre-requisites are a brilliant inventor for a husband, a willingness to give the inventor's idea a chance, a taste for adventure, and a fool-hardy disregard for the security of one's future. All applications will be accepted. Failure in any component of the course will result in expulsion, or regular visits to a counsellor, therefore diligent, regular application to studies is recommended.