The School of Hard Knocks

THE SCHOOL

The School of Hard Knocks, inconveniently located in Kampar, Malaysia, is only two and a half hours by train from the national capital, Kuala Lumpur, or 40 minutes by private transport from the state capital, Ipoh. Additionally, Brisbane, Australia can be reached in just a 13-hour relaxing journey, consisting of a 2 hour drive, 2 hour airport wait, 8 hour aeroplane trip, and one-hour train ride. In only three more hours, Townsville or Cairns can be reached.

The state of Perak is known for its sites of natural beauty- waterfalls, limestone caves, hot springs, nature parks, and the famous Cameron Highlands- and for the thousands of lakes which have formed in the remains of tin mines in the Kampar/ Ipoh district. There are many shopping, sporting and eating facilities in the area for students who have the tenacity to discover them. Many of these are hidden jewels waiting to be discovered behind dirty shop-fronts and in cluttered back streets.

The curriculum at the School of Hard Knocks is comprehensive, covering all the KLAs. Despite its name, many lessons are easy and enjoyable, but some of the lessons undertaken at our school can only be learned the hard way. Experience has shown us that students who take on the difficult lessons learn well, and rarely need to repeat them. The education offered is guaranteed to be of lasting value to all students, but especially those wishing to extract the most from their life experiences.

MATHEMATICS

Students are expected to grasp the basics of the mathematics curriculum quickly. Those who do not will bear additional financial costs in their education. The curriculum covers areas such as lightning-fast currency conversions, bargaining, learning to make cost judgements in a different economy, and recognising and speaking monetary values in Bahhasa Melayu. For those students wishing to drive a vehicle in Perak, additional mathematical skills will be required, such as application of speed limits, calculation of the cost of rare traffic fines, and for the unfortunate from countries such as the Philippines, learning to mirror-image so as to drive on the correct (ie., left-hand) side of the road. Spatial awareness and vigilance will be applied in practical multi-tasking driving lessons, where numerous cars, trucks, pedestrians, motorbikes, bicycles, and motor scooters will weave erratically across the road at various speeds and in various and unpredictable directions. Students from other Asian countries do not need to enrol in this subject, as they will be accustomed to the rare wearing of helmets, the loose application of the road rules, and the unlikely enforcement of road rules.

ENGLISH

The minimum English requirement for entry to the School of Hard Knocks is a basic level, though a higher-level vocabulary may help students to decipher many Malay words. Ability to read English may also be of benefit, however ability to read Chinese script would also be advantageous. It will not, however, be taught as part of the curriculum, as there is already enough learning in our syllabus to cause a mind blowout in all but the toughest students.

LOTE (Languages Other Than English)

While some of our slower students may have enrolled in the course expecting to learn a single new language, most students would be aware that a minimum of three Languages Other Than English are required for the curriculum. The official national language of Bahasa Melayu will be learned by necessity, being the most widely spoken, but some Cantonese will also be taught, as students will find it useful for communicating with Christian friends and many shopkeepers. Language lessons may be undertaken on a self-study basis, in small, impromptu classes, or “on the run”. We recommend a mix of all three study modes. Although a small amount of English is spoken by most of the population in the area, for ease of communication and assimilation, we expect that all students should achieve at least a passing grade in at least one LOTE.

While not officially a LOTE, ability to understand the non-standard form of English spoken locally- sometimes called Manglish- is also required. Students who can master the inflections, distinct vocabulary and social register of Manglish will be granted additional credit. They will also find personal rewards, such as being able to join in with the unusually-paced spoken liturgies of the Lutheran Church. While some Tamil may be learned, this subject is a non-credit elective, as Tamil residents are a minority and most speak English.

RELIGIOUS STUDIES

Students at the School of Hard Knocks may study Christianity (a wide range of denominations, including Lutheran, and sects, are available), Islam (there is a mosque within walking distance of most accommodation in the area), Hinduism and Buddhism. Attendance at special classes is not necessary, as daily lessons in religious tolerance and understanding are obligatory and will be provided at random times throughout the day.

CULTURAL STUDIES

This subject comprises three modules- cultural awareness, cultural understanding, and assimilation. The first is compulsory and a passing grade is necessary to pass through the School of Hard Knocks successfully. The second and third modules are for students who wish to put in more effort for a deeper learning experience. Curriculum components include talking to people from different cultural and religious backgrounds, removing shoes when entering a building, accepting invitations to gatherings knowing you will stand out, obeying local customs, using chopsticks and hands to eat, tasting a wide variety of unfamiliar foods, shopping in Chinese, Malay and Indian stores, being cheerful while people stare, putting LOTE lessons into use and embarrassment aside, learning to give and accept graciously. Students who participate in daily practice sessions in tolerance and understanding and apply Christian love will find they easily achieve a high level of achievement in this subject.

GEOGRAPHY

The geography syllabus covers map-reading without the aid of GPS (reliable Malaysian maps are not available for any major brand), navigation by instinct, distinguishing between private and public roads when the size and condition are often different to expectations, appreciation of the limestone landscape, and discovery of new places.

SCIENCE

Areas of science taught include, but are not limited to, the following:

Botany- plant and animal species of the area, recognising dangerous creatures (eg. pig-tailed macaques), the effect of long-term mining on ecosystems, discovering which pot plants will survive.

Geology- limestone caves, mineral and rock resources of Perak.

Chemistry- composition of cheap paints and how to wipe walls without completely removing the paint, the action of bleach on moulds, Halal food substitutes for popular Australian ingredients such as cream and gelatine

Physics and mechanics- the falling patterns of water from leaking airconditioners, the poor cornering and highway performance of a vehicle when it has been accidentally knocked into four-wheel-drive.

Anatomy and physiology- the fascinating phenomenon of the tiny Asian who can eat twice as much as an Australian, do half the exercise and weigh a third as much.

CREATIVE ARTS

Students will become familiar with popular local songs on regular shopping trips, learning words or tunes through regular exposure. Artistic needs will be met through the seemingly endless task of cleaning, decorating and organising the large house and laboratory office. Students who wish to undertake elective studies may undertake to write a blog, enrol in university studies, do photography or take part in craft days with family members via Skype.

HEALTH AND PHYSICAL RECREATION

Health lessons will involve considerable research with internet resources, and will cover topics such as bacterial, viral and parasitic infections, causes, treatment and prevention, and allergy to common Asian foods (such as MSG and chilli) and its treatment. Physical recreation is an elective subject and at Perak campus students tend to fit it in where possible around the compulsory subjects. There is a range of options for students, but the more popular ones are proving to be walking in the outdoors, and trekking in shopping centres. Other options include skating with a newly-acquired skating buddy in Ipoh, Wii Fit, and cycling.

STUDY SKILLS

Our curriculum is skills-based, and many skills will be learned by the students as they complete their daily tasks. The may include skills such as- maintaining concentration despite the sound of 3 tonnes of limestone dropping into a furnace every 12 minutes, flexible time management when internet is unreliable, persistence and questioning skills when looking for products in stores, and flexibility when faced with a new lifestyle.

FACILITIES

A fully-equipped laboratory is available for some students' use. Equipment includes a bomb calorimeter, atomic absorption spectrometer, a crushing and sampling room, scales calibrated to a thousandth of a gram, A3 printer, glassware, a variety of kilns, and soon the school may obtain an x-ray fluorescence spectrometer. Chemicals for analysis and experimentation are supplied, but if necessary chemicals are not available, the highest quality chemicals will be acquired on request. Students are required to give at least 2 months notice for orders.

Classes will be conducted in our many, varied educational settings, including the modern Tesco Centre and the ultra-modern and clean Station 18 in Ipoh. Prospective students please note that amenities even in the modern teaching blocks may be the Malay-style squat variety. Other lessons will be conducted in more traditional settings, and special, once-off visits to the state museum, Muzeum Darul Ridzuan, and limestone cave complex Gua Tempurung, will be informative and educational.

A large house, vehicle and any other comforts considered necessary will be provided.

ENROLMENT

For those wishing to apply to the School of Hard Knocks, Perak campus, applications can be made in person. Pre-requisites are a brilliant inventor for a husband, a willingness to give the inventor's idea a chance, a taste for adventure, and a fool-hardy disregard for the security of one's future. All applications will be accepted. Failure in any component of the course will result in expulsion, or regular visits to a counsellor, therefore diligent, regular application to studies is recommended.